I’m not saying I’m not tired and burned-out. I am. Almost always.
Have you ever slept 8 hours in a day but still wake up not well-rested? Or have you ever thought of something to do but your mind seems to be in a muddle? It’s mental chaos in there. You scream and yell at everyone around you even when they don’t deserve it.
And all you can think about is to get it over with. Day by day you were hanging by a thread.
You are stressed. Time and again. You wanted to be more grateful for what you have but you feel like you’re not really blessed. You had all the time in the world yet you have no idea what to do.
I get to the point where I just wanted everything to stop. I just wanted a long, long rest because work is never ending but nothing seems to be done. I felt weariness that I have never felt in my entire life.
I know it’s not right and I have to do something to pull myself out of this hole.
No one else would help me but myself. I was helpless – no matter how hard my partner tries to lighten my load.
Lately, I felt happier. I felt more grateful for my family, for the things that I have. I’ve also noticed that I spend more time hugging and kissing my son enjoying all his jumping, dancing, and singing. I am already motivated to pursue my job, the things I love and our plans. I finally felt like my life has a purpose.
Today, I wanted that to be you. I wanted to share how I was radically changed from being the ungrateful, tired and burned-out mom to the happier, more grateful mom that I am now.
Keep in mind that…
- No matter how often your family would show you that they love you, you would never appreciate it if your expectations are too high.
- Blaming other people would do you more harm than good. It might distant your partner away from you.
- Nobody’s perfect. We all have limits. You and your kids are limiting.
HOW I GOT RID OF MOM BURNOUT
I Turned off Mom Guilt
This is a very hard first step but fasten your seatbelt and harden that heart a little bit.
If you wanted to have an hour or two at the spa to have some mani-pedi and massage, is that really worth the mom-guilt? That massage is essential to your well being. It would lighten up your feeling and would take off a lot of stress. Ya think so?
And when you see other moms being able to provide pretty nurseries and luxury items for their kids, is that worth being guilty? Is that worth the pressure? Bear in mind that the grass is always greener on the other side and parenting isn’t a competition.
The only thing you’d be guilty with, is if you don’t have enough time for your kids, you’ve neglected them and their safety, and haven’t met their basic biological needs.
But if everything has been provided, and all you wanted to do to at least relax and take that stress off is have a Hot Caramel Macchiato at Starbucks? Then go for it.
And I promise, your child will surely forgive (and might actually forget) that 1-hour you’ve spent at the cafe.
I traveled alone
This was when I went to Davao for a week to attend my sister’s pinning but I decided not to bring Dreu with me. It’s time I find a moment for myself, do things for myself. So I left Dreu with T and his grandma. I know they can take care of him.
I had the longest sleep ever, I went to the mall and strolled as much as I could. I went to have a facial and a diamond peel. *Btw, Skin 911 is goooood.* I also went out for drinks and dinner with my best friend Dan and met some college friends.
Leaving is hard. But leaving is also good, for you and your kids as well.
When we’re home with kids, we barely get 4-6 hours of sleep. Woke up on the wrong side of the bed and our temper spikes off the roof. Traveling alone allows you to take the chance to rest and replenish your energy. It would allow you to be delighted in life and appreciate nature even more.
Unwind. Go to places you’ve never been before. Meet up with some friends.
You will remember who you are before motherhood. The real you. You will experience satisfaction and happiness for sure. And when you come back, you’ll feel more attentive, more loving and more grateful for your kids and your family.
The horror of leaving your kids will turn out to be an enjoyable experience.
And trust me, the little ones would barely remember you were gone.
I asked for help.
This has been a long debate for me and T. Whenever someone’s available to take care of our kid, that’s when I realize that I’m not really working 24/7. But when I’m burned out, that’s when I wished I had help.
It took me a while to get out of my comfort zone but after my travel alone, I realized that my son would be fine and getting help would be wonderful.
So we pushed our luck and decided to hire a babysitter. She takes care of Dreu’s bottles, gives him a bath, accompanies him and plays with him while I prep dinner. It was astounding. The 20 minutes I’ve spent to clean his bottles, plus the pressure when there’s no clean one in the morning was gone. The toddler who tries to pull me out of the kitchen all the time has someone to play with now.
It’s time to get some work because I know hiring a babysitter is expensive but at least I’m getting my money’s worth. I can now take care of myself, and my family at the same time. I’m happier, I get more time to do my hobby – blogging. T and I have dated more often now.
I know it’s hard to get someone to take care of your baby, and an extra cost for the family, but it will allow you to work more on your home-based job, or office job. You can now focus on your business. You get more time planning for your family.
All I can say is, when I did this, it made a difference.
Trust me when I say, it’s not gonna make you a bad mother.
Not at all.
I took care of myself
Before I became a Mom, I was focused on taking care of myself but when I got pregnant and until recently, I forgot about me and spent too much energy to my family, thus, resulting to “burnout.” Grabe!
So when I decided to get rid of Mom-burnout, for the first time in my life, I tried to have a facial and am yet to have my next session. I finally bought skin care products and followed a more effective skincare routine.
I am also on a low-carb diet. I limit rice and focused on greens and protein. I felt lighter and more active, more determined and motivated. I’m also having my daily workout to get in shape and be on with my groove.
The moment I decided to step out of my comfort zone and do things for my self helped me a lot. Self-care is not just about dealing with yourself so you could look after others. It’s less selflessness and a little more selfishness.
Limit Social Media
Most of the time, the first thing we do the second we open our eyes in the morning is grab our phones and scroll down our Facebook timeline. While there’s nothing wrong with that, we are often unaware of how many hours we’ve consumed and how all the pessimistic view of other people has been affecting us.
Personally, the reason why I limit my social media time is because it has been feeding my insecurity. I always see perfect moms with their perfect kids and perfect little lives, pushing my morale low, and I was none the wiser. I felt like I wasn’t fitting as a mom.
Now, I access my Facebook and Instagram mainly for my blog’s page, as well as gathering ideas from mom groups. I also use it to respond to some comments and messages, no more scrolling, no more reading nonsense politics.
Also, your kids are watching you. If they’ve seen you being on your phone almost every hour of every day, they might be curious of what’s going on in there. (Seriously? How do you get things done?)
In most cases, social media is just full of cr*p and politics and negativity that we don’t actually need in our lives. The moment I decided to limit myself, was the moment I became emotionally stable, less anxious and am definitely enjoying the little things in my life.
Recognizing what areas in your life has been affecting you most is the first step to finally put an end to mom burnout. Motherhood surely is hard and is not always fine and dandy but it should at least be a pleasant and fun experience with our kids as we raise them to be amazing human beings.
♡ Turn off mom-guilt
♡ Ask for help
♡ Take care of yourself, and
♡ Limit social media
These things are essential to help us focus on the more important things in life than being “just” a mom.